You're My Idiot
by Almost Perfect Stranger
Summary: Paul recalling the last moments of his unusual pregnancy. Not only will he have to endure birth but he also must put up with his baby's idiot father smothering him. MPREG, YAOI, COMASHIPPING, no Pokemon mentioned but they exist.


This is the first thing I've submitted in over two years. Actually, I've been working on this for over three years. It's a one-shot Comashipping/Mpreg fiction told by Paul's POV of his last moments of pregnancy. I did it because the other Coma fiction I wrote did not have Reggie in it as Reggie didn't exist when I started it. And I really wanted him to be part of something.

Basically Paul refers to Ash as "the idiot" throughout this whole thing. He doesn't call Brock or Dawn by their names either ;P I think he remains for the most part in character. But it is super fluffy and humorous. Hope you guys like it. Sorry for not updating anything in forever ;_; At least I can give you this.

Oh yeah, I will repeat this. This is **MPREG**, meaning **male pregnancy**. If you hate the idea than **don't read it** and keep your nasty comments to yourself. Simple as that. Some users left reviews that they left anonymously and therefore cannot respond to personally. Such comments will be removed. You may critique the writing as you please.

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><p><strong>You're My Idiot<strong>

It was hot as hell that day. Being nine months pregnant didn't really help the situation. My brother had the air conditioning on full blast so that I would be comfortable. But it didn't help that much.

I was trying to take a nap but the heat was making it impossible. Not to mention that the little runt inside me would not stop moving around. Occasionally I would see one of its legs press against my belly.

Things would have been better if I didn't have that idiot's friends around. But I guess they had to be there cause he is… well… the one who did it. I will not go into detail on how that happened. You tend to do crazy things when you're drunk out of your mind.

The guy with the squinty eyes was always trying to give me advice one what I should do and I hated it. Unfortunately my brother agreed with everything he said so I had no choice. But the worst one of all is that obnoxious blue-haired girl…

She walked into my house after training outside for a bit. She was surprised by the cold air and started whining about it.

"Brr… It's freezing in here!" she shrieked.

I was slumped on the couch at the moment and turned my head to look at her as her whining continued.

"Could you be a little quieter? Your voice gives me a headache…"

"Well… aren't we in a good mood today. I can't help it if it's so cold."

"Well maybe if you actually wore something decent instead of that skimpy skirt then you wouldn't be so cold."

"What did you say?"

Hearing the commotion, the squinty-eyed guy came in to break up the fight.

"Alright you two, knock it off."

He apparently was there to give me my vitamins. I hated those things. I quickly gulped them down with some water so I wouldn't get the bitter taste of them in my mouth.

"Reggie and Ash should be home in a couple hours. I don't think they would be too happy to hear that you're starting fights with Dawn again."

"She started it."

"I did not!"

Hearing her shrieking voiced made my ears ring. My head started to hurt and I had to lie back down again.

"Hey Dawn, how bout you leave Paul alone for a while."

"Fine. I was just leaving."

She then stomped upstairs loudly. Thank god she was gone. The guy then handed me a bag of ice to put on my head.

"This might help take your headache away. Just try to relax as much as you can."

"Yeah… As if I haven't heard that enough."

He left the room and I put the bag on my head. The baby finally stopped kicking me and decided to take the opportunity to get some sleep…

When I woke up, I saw the idiot sitting next to me; gazing at me and smiling. It was creepy… Not only that, but I noticed that I had a case of stomach cramps. But that really wasn't anything new and I didn't think too much of it.

"What do you want…?"

"Sorry… You just look so peaceful when you're sleeping."

"Hm…"

"How's the baby doing?" he said as he put his hand on my stomach.

"Fine… It went to sleep not that long ago…"

"So are you feeling okay? Anything hurt?"

"Just my head. But I owe it to your friend for making it worse…"

Out of nowhere, he started stroking my head gently. Normally, I would have slapped his hand away, but it really did feel nice.

Then my brother came in.

"Aww… Look how cute the two of you are!" he said with a huge grin.

I then pushed the idiot away.

"Shut-up, Reggie."

"Come on now… don't be cranky. I just came to tell you that I'm preparing dinner. It should be ready soon."

"Cool, I'm starving." the idiot said as he rubbed his stomach.

"Anything special I can make for you Paul?"

"No, not really. I'm not that hungry anyway."

Stomach cramps always had a way of ruining my appetite.

"Well you have to eat something. You are eating for two after all."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Just get outta here, will ya?"

"Oh I get it. You want to be alone with your sweetie."

For some reason, my face turned a bright red.

"I do not!"

Reggie then started chuckling.

"Okay. I call you when dinner's ready. You two behave now."

"What a pervert." I mumbled after he left the room.

"Why do you have to be so hard on him?" the idiot asked me. "He's been helping you all this time after all."

"It's not that I'm not grateful that he's helping. I just don't like it when he gets like that when he sees us together."

"Hmm… I guess I understand. You are kinda shy."

Then I felt something weird. It was a slight shooting pain going through my stomach, different from the stomach cramps I was used to. I gasped a little which caused the idiot to jump.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

After he asked, I felt my pants become wet.

"Uh-oh…"

"What?"

"I'm pretty sure my water broke just now."

"Huh? What's that mean?"

"It means that the baby's coming…" I said as I rolled my eyes at his stupidity.

Then it hit him…

"Oh… Oh my god… You mean right now!"

"No, next week. YES right now!"

"Um… Okay. Uh… What to do first… uh…"

He started to pace around the room like a moron until I finally told him what to do.

"How bout you tell my brother…"

"Oh yeah! Right!"

He ran into the kitchen to get Reggie. For a moment I took the time look down at my pants. Big mistake. It made me want to hurl. Then the idiot came back with my brother and the guy with the squinty eyes.

"You alright Paul?" my brother asked me.

"Yeah. Just a little grossed out. Sorry bout the couch."

"That's alright. We'll worry about it later. Right now, we should get you in bed. Ash, will you go get some towels and lay them out on the guest bed?"

"Uh, sure."

Reggie and the squinty-eyed guy helped me off the couch and moved me to the guest bed room. The idiot had laid out some towels on the bed first. Reggie helped me get into the bed before he covered me with some sheets. I then took off my soaked pants which my brother quickly got rid of.

Once everything was settled, the idiot approached my bedside.

"I can't believe it. Soon we're going to be parents."

"Yep."

"You don't sound too excited about it."

"Sorry if I'm not too excited about having a screaming kid on my hands."

"Alright Paul." Reggie interrupted. "I'm gonna check your dilation now to see how close you are to delivery."

"Alright".

I spread my legs open and my brother flipped up the sheets. As he was checking my dilation, the idiot decided to take a look for himself. There he got a load of the diluted blood that was coming out of me. I watched him as his face turned pale. Then I saw his eyes roll back in his head before falling over.

"Ash!" said the guy with the squinty eyes.

"Oh god…" I said quietly. What a noob…

"Is he alright, Brock?" my brother asked.

He knelt beside him and picked up his limp wrist from the floor.

"Yeah, he just fainted."

I could have told you that…

"He should be fine once he comes to. Guess he's a little nervous."

"What's he so nervous about?" I said. "He's not the one giving birth here."

"Don't worry Paul. I'll be right here to talk you through everything." Reggie said.

"I wasn't saying I was nervous…"

"Okay, sure. But becoming a new dad can be a bit nerve-racking. You can't be surprised that Ash is a little nervous."

"Yeah, whatever…"

"Anyway… You look about five centimeters dilated which is half-way there. You must have gone into labor some time ago. I'm shocked that you didn't feel a thing until now.

Truth was I sort of did…

"So when's this thing getting out of me?"

"Hard to say. We'll just keep an eye on your dilation. Are you having any contractions?"

"Yeah… somewhat…"

Truthfully, they were hitting me like a Stone Edge attack.

"Try to pay attention to how close they are together. I'm going to go get some water. Be right back."

After Reggie left the room, I turned my head to see the squinty-eyed guy propping the idiot's head on a pillow.

"So how's Sleeping Beauty over there?"

"I can't seem to get him up."

He then reached for his backpack.

"I think I have some smelling salts in here somewhere…"

"Well, take your time. I can use a break from him hovering over me all the time."

Soon my brother came back with a pot of water and placed it near the bed.

"This is for when the baby comes. We'll have quick access to damp towels that way."

"Whatever…"

Soon I began to notice my contractions becoming heavier as well as closer together. Of course, I did my best to suppress the pain but there was no hiding it from Reggie.

"You alright Paul? Can I do anything for you?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Aha!" I heard the squinty-eyed guy say. "Here are the smelling salts."

Well so much for my idiot-free time. But still… a part of me was… um… relieved that he would be awake soon.

The guy with the squinty took the smelling salts and put the bottle up to the idiot's nose. He let out a loud snort before his eyes shot open.

"Wha-wha-what happened?" he said in a daze.

"Well you kinda fainted when you decided to look in between Paul's legs." the squinty-eyed guy explained.

Course, if that happened nine months ago, I wouldn't be in this situation.

"Paul… Paul! Oh my god! Did I miss everything!"

"No." I interrupted. "You were only out for a few minutes…"

When he ran to my bed side, he didn't notice the pot of water Reggie had placed there earlier. He stepped right in it causing him to fall flat on his face as the water spilled all over the room.

"Whoa, are you okay?" my brother asked him.

"Uh… yeah. Sorry about that…"

He's such a dumb ass…

Twenty minutes went by and my contractions had become even more unbearable. Still, I was hiding the true pain I was feeling from everyone else. Following my brother's instructions, I took slow, steady breaths. But it didn't help that much.

"Do you want me to hold your hand?" the idiot asked.

"No…"

"Well Paul…" Reggie said after checking my dilation again. "… You're at nine centimeters now. You should be ready to deliver very soon."

"Eeewwww!"

Everyone turned there heads to a loud scream coming from the living room. I recognized the shrilling voice immediately. It was that annoying blue-haired girl. My brother looked out the door to see what the problem was.

"Dawn, what's the matter?"

"Well, I just got up from a nap… and I went to watch some T.V…."

When she approached the doorway, I noticed she had her hands on her butt cheeks.

"…and when I sat on the couch, I sat in something wet…"

"Oh dear…" my brother said.

I actually started laughing hysterically at this; something I don't normally do.

"What's so funny! Hey, what's going on here?"

"Paul's water broke a while go. He's going to have the baby real soon." the idiot explained.

"Wow, really? Wait… His water broke? Um… where exactly?"

"It's on your ass now," I told her and continued to laugh.

"Aaah! Oh god, this is so gross!"

"Sorry about that, Dawn," Reggie said. "Don't worry; I'll help you get cleaned up."

"It's not funny Paul!" she told me as I saw tears form in her eyes.

But it really was funny.

Reggie and the blue-haired girl came back a little bit later. She was now wearing one of my old T-shirts and a pair of my shorts. She still looked pretty pissed off. Seeing that expression on her face just made me laugh harder.

"Will you give the girl a break Paul?" Reggie asked me.

I stopped laughing after I felt a strong pain in my abdomen. It felt as if my muscles were being stretched beyond their limit.

"That's better."

"No… Reggie…"

"Paul… What's the matter…?" the idiot asked.

"I think the baby's trying to come out…"

Reggie quickly flipped up the bed sheets and stuck a hand underneath in order to see what was going on.

"Oh my… I believe I can feel the top of the baby's head."

"What!" said the idiot.

"I believe all the laughing that Paul did may have pushed the baby out a little."

"That can happen?" asked the squinty-eyed guy.

"On rare occasions it can. Looks like Dawn may have helped speed up the process."

The blue-haired girl then gained a smirk on her face while I let out a small grunt.

"Alright Paul, this is what I want you to do. When I give the signal, I want you to push as hard as you can for ten seconds. I'll let you know when to do the next one. Understand?"

"Yeah…"

Reggie grabbed both of my feet and held them to the bed.

"Okay, ready… Push."

I bent forward a little and gripped the bed sheets tightly. The idiot had put one of his hands on my back. I bore all my weight on my middle and actually started to feel the baby slowly moving through the birth canal. I gritted my teeth as the pain kept increasing.

"And… relax." my brother said.

I let out a loud sigh. Some sweat had formed on my forehead during the push. The idiot wiped it off with a washcloth.

"That was great, Paul." he said, trying to encourage me.

"The baby's now crowning." my brother said. "You're making good progress."

I responded with a moan.

"You sure you don't want me to hold your hand?" the idiot asked me.

"For the last time, no."

"Okay Paul," Reggie said. "Do you think you can give me another push?"

"Y… yeah…"

Following my brother's instructions, I pushed once more. I groaned in pain as the baby's head started to come out. The idiot put his hand on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and looked at his face. He appeared concerned about my pain. Guess I wasn't hiding it so well anymore.

At last, the ten seconds were up. My breath nearly exploded from my mouth after I stopped pushing.

"Alright…" said Reggie. "We are making progress here."

That annoying girl and the squinty-eyed guy decided to take a look. While he kept his composure, she threw her hands over her mouth and looked away.

"That looks so weird…"

"It's gonna be okay…" said the idiot, rubbing my shoulder.

"I'm fine…" I said while lying to myself.

"Okay, Paul," said my brother. "Ready for another push?"

"Whatever…"

Reggie signaled and I gathered up my strength to push once more. I needed to get that "thing" out of me. Once again, I felt it creeping down the birth canal slowly. But something unexpected happened. It started to inch its way out faster.

As it did, it felt like it was taking my insides out with it. I couldn't hold it in any longer. A scream rattled through my larynges and, in a loss in character, I grabbed on to the idiot's hand. I think he was more surprised about it than I was.

"We have the head out now," Reggie announced with excitement in his voice. "Just a few more pushes and we'll be finished."

What was all this "we" stuff?

"Brock, get the towels ready."

"Sure thing."

Though the baby's head was out, I couldn't see anything over my large belly. That was probably a good thing. I finally noticed that I was still holding on to the idiot's hand. When I looked at him, he was smiling that goofy smile of his.

"You alright…?" he asked.

"Does it look like I'm alright…? This sucks!"

Even though I realized that I was holding hand, I couldn't get myself to let go.

"It'll be over soon," he said while rubbing my hand. "And when it is, our life as a family will begin."

Surprisingly… I found that a bit comforting.

"Kay, Paul," Reggie said. "I'm gonna need you to push again."

I groaned loudly as a response.

"I know, I know. But the baby can't stay like this for too long. I know you can do it bro."

I took in a deep breath and released it slowly.

"Okay… Let's get this over with."

As I got back into my position, I felt the idiot place his right hand onto my right shoulder, almost embracing me. His other hand was still holding on to mine. I then sucked in my breath and began to push again.

"That's it… Keep going…!" said my brother.

My teeth clenched together hard as I felt it passing through me. I thought for sure I was going to tear open. Though I had tried to hold them back the entire time, tears finally appeared in my eyes. I also squeezed the idiot's hand tighter.

"You're going to be okay…" he whispered to me and rubbed my shoulder.

The pressure I felt was unbelievable; almost like I was going to tear in two. I couldn't see anything though as my eyes were shut tight. My ears took in the sound of everyone cheering for me. Despite the immense pain that I felt, I managed to notice the soft kiss that the idiot placed on the top of my head.

Another scream escaped my mouth as the baby's shoulders came out. I knew it would be over soon if I kept going. So I pressed my chin to my chest and gave it everything I had. My brother was also helping by gently pulling the baby out. I yelped again as I felt the arms come out.

"Almost there…" Reggie said.

It started to slide out a bit faster after the arms. One final, long scream came from deep in my chest while the torso and the legs came out. I finally released my hold after that and sighed. The baby was out and a rush of fluid came with it. It wasn't long before I started to hear its cries.

"It's a boy!" my brother cheered. "You did it, Paul. Great job!"

I just collapsed on the bed as exhaustion took over. The idiot put the cool washcloth to my forehead. I opened my eyes to see tears in his. It made me want to gag…

"What are you looking at…?" I said weakly.

"I'm so proud of you…" His head turned to have a look at the baby who was being treated by Reggie and the squinty-eyed guy. "He's so beautiful… You should see him."

I turned my eyes away from him. The baby's screams were still traveling through my ears.

"Don't worry, little guy," I heard Reggie say in a soft voice. "You don't have to be afraid of me. I'm your Uncle Reggie."

"Aww… He's so cute!" I heard that annoying girl say. "Hard to believe he came from Paul."

"Oh Dawn…" said the squinty-eyed guy.

"Ash, don't you want to hold your son?"

"Of course."

The idiot left my side to have a look at the baby. I was still looking at the wall and didn't see what was going on. But he could hear him fawning over him. The baby soon stopped crying afterwards.

"A son…" he said with an unsteady voice. "I'm so happy…"

He cooed and coddled him for a little bit before finally coming back over to my bedside. My back was still facing him.

"Do you want to hold him…?" he asked me.

"Not really…"

"Honestly, Paul," said the annoying girl. "How could you be so cold?"

"Take it easy," the idiot said. "He's probably exhausted from what just happened."

"Well I think he would want to at least look at him."

I cringed as a response and closed my eyes. She was right though. I was cold. That's just how I was. I didn't want to look at what caused me so much pain and frustration. I was… scared. Scared that I might… fall in love.

"You want to look at him… Don't ya, Paul? I know there's a part of you that wants to."

I sucked in my breath and opened my eyes. Finally, I relented and turned over to see the baby… No… my child…

He looked a lot like me when I was a new born. From what I've seen in pictures anyway. He had my lilac hair but had the idiot's eyes and freckles. It was pretty obvious that he was our child just by looks alone.

"I think maybe we should give the new parents some alone time," I heard my brother say.

Reggie and the idiot's friends left the room leaving an awkward silence in the air.

The infant then turned those big brown eyes of his towards me. Staring at them reminded me greatly of his father which left me uneasy. He then started to babble and even stuck and arm out at me.

"Seems he knows who you are," said the idiot. "What are we going to name him?"

"Why are you asking me…? I have no idea."

"Okay… Want me to pick it out?"

The worst came to my mind thinking what would happen if I let him pick.

"No… Just… Give me a minute to think, okay?"

Truthfully, I had picked out a name I liked a long time ago that I kept to myself. I played it off as if I was thinking by staying silent. Yeah… I told him I had no idea, but that's the game I liked to play. After a few minutes I spoke up.

"Nicholas…"

"Nicholas? That's a nice name. What made you think of it?"

"I just like the name, okay?"

"Guess I can call him 'Nicky' for short."

_"Yeah, if you want to make him sound wimpy…"_ I thought as I rolled my eyes.

Nicholas then became a bit irritable and started to fuss. Maybe he didn't like the nickname either.

"Hey there, Nicky," the idiot said in a gentle voice. "No need to be upset."

He started to rock him and tried singing to get him to stop fussing. But it wasn't doing anything. In fact, the crying seemed to be getting worse.

"Oh for Pete's sake," I finally said. Then I stretched out my arms and said, "Hand him over."

The idiot looked a bit surprised my request but did it anyway. From there, I cradled Nicolas in my arms making sure that his head was against my chest. I made sure that there was absolute silence. The only sound I wanted him to hear was the sound of my beating heart.

In only a few seconds, Nicholas' cries started to dwindle and his eyes were becoming relaxed. Soon he was asleep. The idiot knelt down a bit closer.

"That was amazing…" he whispered.

"He's more like me than I thought… Sometimes we prefer those around us to be quiet even as infants…"

The idiot stared at me for a little bit before a smile crept on to his face. I suppose it was quite unusual for him to see me like that. Pretending not to notice him, my eyes remained focused on Nicholas. But I soon felt a pair of lips press against the side of my face. My eyes widened and my cheeks turned red.

"I love you…"

"I…hmm…you too…" I mumbled back.

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><p>His full name is Nicolas Reginald Ketchum. Reginald is homage to my brother who pretty much waited on me hand and foot throughout my pregnancy. Wasn't keen on having "Ketchum" as his last name but it was kind of standard.<p>

I think I'm actually getting used to this parenting thing. Nicholas is about a week old now and things are not as terrible as I expected they would be. Reggie is always there to lend a hand in caring for him if needed. But me and the idiot are handling things smoothly. Lucky for us, Nicholas is a timid newborn and is able to sleep through entire nights most of the time.

The hardest thing for me so far is putting up with the idiot smothering me with affection. I thought the attention would turn away from me for awhile once the pregnancy was over. But he just seems more into me than ever before. Sometimes I think I'd rather deal with dirty diapers than have him slobber over me.

Guess it's not so bad… He's still an idiot… but he is a good dad even if he doesn't know what the hell he's doing sometimes. He's my idiot… And I love him even if I'm too much of a jerk to say it to him. Thankfully… I know he knows that too.


End file.
